The recent gathering of the United Nations with its many controversial and contentious speeches by world leaders, war and conflict in sundry places, Congressional wrangling over “healthcare reform,” unemployment and lingering economic problems — they capture and dominate the daily headlines but most basic of all to every generation is the strength and stability of the family as the fundamental unit of society.
Utah Families
What are the individual dynamics of Utah families and how do they compare with the rest of the Country? The latest national census reports that Utah leads the nation in family size, two parent families, homes headed by a married couple rather than simply “cohabitants” and families with children under the age of 18 headed by married couples raising their own children together. Utah has the most stay-at-home Moms and a higher percentage of marriages and births than other states. (28.4% of women are married and only 17.9% nationally and the birth rate in Utah is 82 per 1000 compared to 58 nationwide). Young women marry three years sooner in Utah than the national average (23.5 instead of 26.2). Because Utah has more children and larger families, the average age of its citizenry is the lowest in the nation at 28.7 compared to 36.9 nationally. (These statistics support our recent report on both the challenges and the success of our schools and education system).
Utah has led the nation for decades in these family statistics but Utah is also trending up with the rest of the country and showing the effects of mounting social pressures and changing demographics. (Divorce rates have increased and many young people are delaying marriage longer). In 2008, Utah was the fastest growing state in the country and migration is said to be a contributing factor in some of the updated data contrasts. (See Deseret News, September 22, 2009).
Utah’s strong family values are reflected in these statistical findings but the standard is not simply how we are doing compared to everyone else. Utah is affected by the same forces and threats to our culture that we see throughout our country even if only to a lesser degree than other states. Gordon B. Hinckley stated in, Standing for Something:
“Let us work tirelessly to defend and strengthen the family, which is the fundamental unit of society . . . The health of any society, the happiness of its people, their prosperity and peace all find their roots in the strength and stability of the family . . . Society’s problems arise, almost without exception, out of the homes of the people. If there is to be a reformation, if there is to be a change, if there is to be a return to old and sacred values, it must begin in the home.” (p. xxv, 125, 143).
Former First Lady, Barbara Bush counseled the 1990 graduating class of Wellesley College: “Your success as a family—our success as a society—depends not on what happens at the White House, but on what happens inside your house.” (Our current President has expressed his determination to repeal the Defense of Marriage Act. He also strongly supports every form of abortion and public funding of abortions. This is all included in what he views as “needed health care reform.” That is hardly a pro-family agenda).
“Fatherless America”
Of all the trends and statistics that we see concerning America’s homes and families, the most serious and far reaching are those showing a major decline in the vital role of Fathers. In his book, Fatherless America, David Blankenhorn writes:
“Tonight, about 40% of American children will go to sleep in homes in which their Fathers do not live. Before they reach the age of eighteen, more than ½ of our nation’s children are likely to spend at least a significant portion of their childhoods living apart from their Fathers. Never before in this country have so many children been voluntarily abandoned by their Fathers. Never before have so many children grown up without knowing what it means to have a Father.
Fatherlessness is the most harmful demographic trend of this generation. It is the leading cause of declining child well-being in our society. It is also the engine driving our most urgent social problems, from crime to adolescent pregnancy to child sexual abuse to domestic violence against women. Yet, despite its scale and social consequences, fatherlessness is a problem that is frequently ignored or denied. . .
If this trend continues, fatherlessness is likely to change the shape of our society.” (Introduction, page 1).
David Blankenhorn further states:
“As a cultural idea, our inherited understanding of fatherhood is under siege . . .
The core question is simple: Does every child need a Father? Increasingly, our society’s answer is “no,” or at least not necessarily.” Few idea shifts in this century are as consequential as this one . . .
In addition to losing Fathers, we are losing something larger: our idea of fatherhood . . . We now face more than a physical loss affecting some homes. We face a cultural loss affecting every home. For this reason, the most important absence, which our society must confront, is not the absence of Fathers but rather the absence of our belief in Fathers.” (p. 2-3).
Blankenhorn concludes his inspiring but troubling treatise by stating:
“The most urgent domestic challenge facing the United States at the close of the twentieth century is the re-creation of fatherhood as a vital social role for men. At stake is nothing less than the success of the American experiment. For unless we reverse the trend of fatherlessness, no other set of accomplishments – not economic growth or prison construction or welfare reform or better schools – will succeed in arresting the decline of child well-being and the spread of male violence. To tolerate the trend of fatherlessness is to accept the inevitability of continued societal recession . . .
Yet what Lincoln called the better angels of our nature have always guided us in the opposite direction. Passivity in the face of crisis is inconsistent with the American tradition. Managing decline has never been the hallmark of American expertise. In the inevitable and valuable tension between conditions and aspirations – between the social “is” and the moral “ought” – our birthright as Americans has always been our confidence that we can change for the better . . .
Our essential goal must be the rediscovery in modern society of the fatherhood idea. [This is called] the principle of legitimacy . . . [and] married fatherhood. (p. 222-223).
The Continuing Need to Strengthen Marriage and Family
As David Blankenhorn stated, our goal and commitment is to reinvigorate and strengthen traditional marriage and the known optimum social condition where children are loved and raised by both a Father and a Mother in a strong and united family environment. Our laws should reflect those values and those objectives as a matter of enduring public policy. Why would we ever intentionally or knowingly change our laws to make Fathers and Mothers mere options or classify and treat them as simply durable but interchangeable parts in the core family unit that is the nucleus of all society? Margaret Mead has said, “The supreme test of any civilization is whether it can socialize men by teaching them to be Fathers – creating a culture in which men acknowledge their paternity and willingly nurture their offspring.”
We can take encouragement from those reports that show Utah at the top of many national family statistics but we also must not be blind to those social conditions that have robbed America of much of what the natural family has provided for generations. As stated in “The Family: A Proclamation to the World” by the First Presidency and the Counsel of the Twelve Apostles of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints:
“The family is ordained of God. Marriage between man and woman is essential to His eternal plan. Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a Father and a Mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity . . . We call upon responsible citizens and officers of government everywhere to promote those measures designed to maintain and strengthen the family as the fundamental unit of society.”
The key to the strength of any civilized society is sustained public virtue. Marriage and family is at the heart of that equation. Gordon B. Hinckley has referred to the strength and stability of the family as the “guardians of virtue”. He said:
“God is the designer of the family. He intended that the greatest of happiness, the most satisfying aspects of life, the deepest joys, should come in our associations together and our concerns one for another as fathers and mothers and children, sisters and brothers, aunts and uncles, and so on . . .
Of all the problems our society faces, the most serious is the breakdown of the family . . .
The evils of the world will continue to escalate unless there is an underlying acknowledgement, even a strong and firm conviction, that the family is an instrument of the Almighty. It is His creation. It is also the most fundamental and basic unit of society. And it deserves – no, it demands – our combined focus and attention.
We go to great lengths to preserve historical buildings and sites in our Cities. We need to apply the same fervor to preserving the most ancient and sacred of institutions – the family!
We cannot effect a turnaround in a day or month or a year. But with enough effort, we can begin a turnaround within a generation, and accomplish wonders within two generations – a period of time that is not very long in the history of humanity”. (Standing for Something, p. 129-130, 132, 145).
We trust that Utah’s strong marriage and family values will continue to be evident in the coming years. We can help achieve the desired turnaround of those social conditions, which otherwise threaten to undermine the strength and stability of the family unit in today’s society.
Posted by: LaVar Christensen